12:38PM, Monday 24 October 2016
With crazy clowns to the left of me and zombies to the right, I’m not sure I want to be stuck in the middle of Maidenhead any time soon.
If you’ll please pardon my misuse of Stealers Wheel’s classic lyrics, I’m just wondering what passes for entertainment round these parts, these days? If you believe what gets put on 'social media', (no, me neither), then supposedly grown-up folk have been spotted dressing up in clown outfits in Kidwells Park.
Whether fact or fiction, these supposed sightings have been enough to get Thames Valley Police in enough of a twitter to put out 'clown warning alerts'.
So, as we approach – what in my book was always a religious celebration – it seems Halloween has been hijacked by two tawdry American crazes…and I’m not talking about Hillary and Trump!
How acting the clown, with wild hair, brandishing knives and really trying to scare people ever seemed a fun idea, I don’t know? (But now I think about it, maybe The Donald does come to mind!)
As for the Zombie Walk (ok, yes, if you must, cue The Clintons!) which is coming to Maidenhead soon, here’s your big chance to dress up like a Goth and drip fake blood down the High Street.
I know the new series of The Walking Dead is back on the telly and – of course – the Hammer horror films were shot, nearby, at Bray Studios.
But, somehow, I can’t believe Vincent Price or Peter Cushing would rise from their graves to revive Michael Jackson’s Thriller video then join the hordes for a lurch down Queen Street and a swift half of snakebite in The Bell.
If that’s entertainment, then I’m afraid crazy clowns and the living dead don’t really do it for me.
But I’ll tell you one freaky fact about the Zombie Walk that might give you the shivers: The schlock horror night is being organised by members of Rotary and Round Table. Now my dad used to be a member of both clubs and boy, back in his day, those guys were real hellraisers!